Description of a Bully in the Workplace
I can tell lots of stories about bullies. The one that first comes to my mind is when I was a little third-grader. I ran home every day because a bully was chasing me. I was afraid for an entire school year and I never told anyone how frightened I was until one day, near the very end of the school year on the streets of Southside Chicago, I got tired of running and decided to turn and face my bully. This article is about facing and unmasking the bully not on the playground, bus route or in school halls, but in the workplace. You have to reach a point when you just become good and tired of running and turn to face the bully or bullies in your life.
Facing the bullies means exposing them or bringing to the light what is hidden. To do this in the workplace takes finesse, discretion, courage, wisdom and a whole lot of guts. The bullies who bullied on the playground grow up and continue their modi operandi or
M. O.s of bullying because they were never unmasked or revealed. So revealing a bully means doing a justice for yourself and the bully. You see, some individuals have lived as bullies for so long that they do not realize when and how they are being a bully as an adult in the workplace.
A bully likes to wear a mask and masquerade as someone other than he or she really is. Bullies set up a lifestyle and personality façade which don’t really exist. It is just a smoke-screen so that others will not know what they are doing in secret, which is bullying. Bullies are really preying cowards who hide and wait until their victims are vulnerable and then they strike. They know when their victim is vulnerable, or in other words, when their victim is less guarded because they consider the bully to be trustworthy. The bully then uses knowledge shared in confidence against the victim. Exposing the bully-unveiling the truth is the way to take back your power, your control-your dignity. It is time to stop feeling victimized.
The remedy to this feeling of victimization is to stop allowing the bully to discredit you as a person and as a performer. Stop allowing them to discredit your giftedness, ideas and presence. In the workplace, bullies love to discredit the character of others through gossip (twisting truth) and through silence (not saying the truth). Bullies hate to affirm or compliment the character or appearance of others. Bullies struggle with jealousy and envy. Bullies love to discredit the performance of others. They consistently find fault and nick pick. They spend time subtly comparing and competing with the performance of others.
The adult bully in the workplace looks like a modern-day Pharaoh. (Remember the Bible story of Pharoah versus the children of Israel?). Well the adult Pharoah bully is one who likes to keep you from your destiny. They do this by capitalizing on your minor flaws instead of celebrating your successes. They seek to keep you in “bondage” to feelings of fear, inadequacy and incompetency. The adult Pharoah wants to squash your dreams and keep you in servitude to a feeling that you are “beneath” them. The workplace bully thrives on false power-the false power to intimidate, insult, frustrate and isolate. The bully intimidates by challenging, questioning and doubting your work performance. The bully insults with the silent treatment of not giving any kind of affirmation of your performance. Next the bully frustrates or creates confusion through doing a kind act after he or she has just insulted you. Finally the bully begins the process of isolating you-similar to choosing teammates on the playground. Everyone is chosen except you and you are acutely aware of being alone and abandoned.
The adult bully in the work place is usually motivated by jealously, envy, ignorance, bigotry and their own lack of self competence. Therefore their goal is to prey on someone else.
Action steps toward stopping the bully
A big part to the remedy of not becoming a bully’s victim is to be acutely aware of these bullying traits. When someone exhibits these traits toward you, take action and “teach people how to treat” you. When necessary, publically speak up when the bully publically tries to discredit your performance or person through a mask of so called innocent joking. Speak out and say what is true about you. Don’t allow some jokes to fester. Taking this minor first step toward aggressively exposing the bully is a step toward gaining back your sense of self-efficacy and dignity. If the bully is your supervisor, be aware that the feelings of fear and inadequacy you may be experiencing have been brought on by the bully. There is nothing wrong with you.
Confront those feelings and mentally recite and rehearse true, affirmative statements about yourself. As you do this, you will again exude the confidence and accomplishments of a worker who is strongly aware and in tune with your strengths and creativity. Next take yourself out of just the realm of evaluation by your “bully” supervisor and expand your sphere of influence within your workplace by volunteering to spearhead or serve on projects where you are looked at by other leaders. This action will begin to nullify the words and opinion of the bully as other supervisors see your performance.
You must not allow your career, job, work performance and dreams to be victimized. You must face the bully and take control. Here are five action steps to use.
STATION- Set your face like flint in firm determination to perform with excellence on your job regardless of the bullies around you.
STAND-Maintain the mental status of “who you are” and “whose you are”. Know that you are a valued and unique individual, created to fulfill a purpose in this life and to fulfill it with substance and sustainability.
SEEK-Look for an advocate on your job such as another coworker or leader who will affirm your performance
SING-Compliment your own self and sing out what you are gifted in and what contributory differences you can bring to the table.
STRATEGIZE-Build up your self-efficacy. There are other skills, talents, interests that you have and need to explore and expand. Capitalize on these and use them as vehicles to move forward.
© February 11, 2011 By Shelia F Burlock and Melissa G Burlock
Art by Donald A. Burlock Jr.
Reference List
Goodwin, L. (2011, Jan. 5). Anti-bullying program quashes playground gossip. Retrieved from http://news.yahoo.com/s/yblog_thelookout/anti-bullying-program-quashes-playground-gossip/print
Randall, P. (1996). A Community Approach to Bullying. Stoke-on-Trent Staffordshire, Eng, UK: Trentham Books Limited.
Randall, P. (1997). Adult Bullying: Perpetrators and Victims. London, Eng, UK: Routledge.
Randall, P. (2001). Bullying in Adulthood: Assessing The Bullies and Their Victims. East Sussex, Eng, UK: Brunner-Routledge.
Note from the authors:
Media awareness of child bullying has recently swelled to an outpouring of anti-bullying legislation (which prohibit student-against-student harassment and cyber-bullying), as well as an overflow of campaigns by celebrity entertainers and other empathetic individuals. While artists, educators, politicians and families are concerned with curbing bullying via text messages, internet postings and/or in-school encounters, there has been little discussion about bullying outside of these adolescent domains. Bullying Beyond the Playground is an article written for adults which describes the characteristics of adult workplace bullies, and action steps towards stopping them.
We feel that this timely article is a concise contributory addition for all employees and employers to read. The informative discourse of this article also offers a personality quiz titled Are You the Bully or the Bullied? Find out by Taking the Quiz and Tallying Your Score. There is also an original illustration to depict the theme of the article.
We have had distinct experiences with this topic and believe that we can use those experiences to help teach others about identifying bullies and reclaiming self-efficacy in the workplace.
Authors: Shelia F Burlock and Melissa G Burlock © February 11, 2011 Art by Donald A Burlock Jr © February 11, 2011
Are You the Bully or the Bullied? Find out by Taking the Quiz and Tallying Your Score
1. Do you gossip about a particular coworker?
A ... No, and I discourage others from this kind of action
B ... Never, but other coworkers talk about me behind my back
C ... Yes, because the coworker is so different and he or she is not forthcoming with explanations
D... Yes, because it’s harmless and the coworker does not know about it
2. Do you make jokes at the expense of another coworker?
A ... Never, and I seriously discourage others from this kind of action
B ... Never, but I’m usually the subtle punch-line to others’ funny jokes
C ... No, but I do question certain coworkers in front of other people for good reasons
D ... Yes, because the jokes are good-natured and the coworker usually laughs
3. Do you compliment another coworker on a weekly basis?
A ... I make an effort to do so
B ... I compliment others, but no one compliments me, even when I do very well on a project, presentation, assignment, etc.
C ... I do not want to embarrass the deserving person, or make others feel uncomfortable, by paying a compliment
D ... I would like to, but I do not want other people to know about it, so I do not
4. Do you converse with/listen to the same co-workers during your break?
A ... Not every day; I like to invite new people into my conversations with others
B ... No, I usually eat by myself; the people at work have known each other for a long time so they’re understandably cliquish
C ... Yes, because I feel more comfortable talking within a group of friends/ like persons
D ... Yes, because not everyone at work is worth conversing with in my spare time
Give yourself the appropriate number of points for each answer.
A’s = 5
B’s = 4
C’s = 3
D’s = 2
What’s your score?
17-20
Then you’re an A+ coworker; you stand up for the potentially bullied
13-16
Then you’re nice, but you also might be the bullied at work
9-12
Then you’re contributing to the bullying of others in some way
5-8
Then you’re most likely a workplace bully in some way
© February 11, 2011 by Melissa G Burlock
