November Memo 2021 TMC-Self Efficacy-Grace
“Learn how to build relationships with your students. When children like you, they learn from you.”
-Shelia F. Burlock
I remember having a “discipline” conversation with one of my fifth-grade students.
He had gotten in trouble for yelling and screaming in an outburst of anger.
I calmly spoke with him to diffuse the situation, and after things had de-escalated, I sought to find out what was the root cause of his sudden display of anger, and to give him a strategy for dealing with negative feelings.
The strategy involved me giving him a small notepad and pencil to carry around with him. When a trigger happened that made him angry, he could write down in that moment how he was feeling and why. I told him to just write small phrases and then later expand on it and make it into poetry. I shared how I journaled and liked writing, especially poetry. I also spoke with his parent about having him practice this strategy at home.
He went on to use this strategy for a few weeks. Then one day he brought me a copy of one of his poems. I read it silently. He waited in silence. Then I gave him sincere, earnest, and meaningful feedback.
FEEDBACK and T.M.C.
Giving feedback with T.M.C. (Tactful Meaningful Care) is one way to build a relationship with your students. Your students know when you are being sincere or just pulling their leg. Don’t just say “good job” or “great.” Say why what they did is a good job or great. And please don’t say it’s good when it is truly not. Children know when a teacher is being patronizing. They watch other kids’ performances and work. They know when they aren’t performing up to par so don’t give meaningless feedback. Say something like “I love the effort you put into this” or “I like your thought pattern” or “I like how you’re thinking about this. This shows you are studious, but this is not there yet. Here’s what you can do to get it there and here’s how I am going to help you.”
SELF-EFFICACY
When you give honest meaningful feedback to a student you build up his self-efficacy.
“Self-efficacy is commonly defined as the belief in one’s capabilities to achieve a goal or an outcome. Students with a strong sense of efficacy are more likely to challenge themselves with difficult tasks and be intrinsically motivated.”
(Source: https://serc.carleton.edu/20538)
Building up your students’ self-efficacy is another way to build a relationship with your students. Your students will know you believe in them and will believe in themselves.
REWARDS and WINNING and GRACE
I love giving out chocolates—the good ones—and candy. Adults and kids alike love sweet treats. Don’t just give out rewards when a student wins at something. One way for sure to let your students know you like them is to give out a little grace now and then.
Grace means giving what we don’t deserve, and it is a counterpart to mercy, which means holding back what we do deserve. Perhaps that unruly student doesn’t deserve a reward from you, but you can always give grace. As adults we want this, so our kids want it too.
When you give them TMC (Tactful Meaningful Care), build up their self-efficacy, and give a little grace now and then, your students will like you, and when they like you, they will learn from you. Learn how to build relationships with your students.
by Shelia F. Burlock
